Counseling for Men

Men and Masculinity

Counseling for Men is Different

Men are to be treated, as are all human beings, with love, dignity and respect. In some ways, the issues of men tend to be minimized, in a ‘pull yourself up by your bootstraps’ or ‘he deserved it’ mentality. An honest, respectful and authentic understanding of the issues encountered in the lives of men may seem controversial or counterintuitive for some people.

Regarding the status of males in modern society, here is the 2024 California Report on the Status of Boys and Men, published by the Global Initiative for Boys and Men. Take a few moments to review it, you will find that population statistics and research studies have repeatedly shown that men, on average, live shorter lives than others. This lifespan difference is due in part, due to higher rates of suicide and workplace deaths. Additionally, in U.S. Census records, consistently report men as the majority of the homeless, and Men, on average, comprise the majority of people put under restraining orders and incarcerated in jails and prisons. Bias against male defendants contributes to disparities in the American criminal justice system are also a reality if you are male, including the administration of the death penalty and mandatory U.S. Selective Service (Military draft) registration.

For vivid examples of men’s invaluable contributions for the benefit of all, and future generations, take some time and have a look at these videos, this one featuring new hospital construction projects, and these two documentaries, The Hardest Working Water in the World, and The Wild True Story of Huntington Lake and the Big Creek Hydroelectric Project, featuring a historic hydroelectric project, over 100 years old, part of which is pictured above, that presently continues functioning to supply water to power generators for electricity generation, producing hydroelectricity for the Los Angeles area and beyond, as well as delivery of water to farms, family homes, and businesses, particularly benefiting agriculture and communities in the California’s San Joaquin Valley, as well as lifesaving seasonal flood control and protection. Think about that, the next time you reach for a glass of drinking water, take a shower, use a washing machine, flip on a light switch, use your personal computer, recharge your smartphone, or charge the battery in your plug-in electric vehicle!

Importance of Caring for Men

Yes, You Can Handle the Truth

In the healthy masculine, as fathers, husbands and heads of households, men naturally aspire to prosper and create, serving to produce plentiful incomes and bountiful economic resources and assets to bestow their families with basic needs, necessities and lifestyles of comfort and leisure. Appropriately so, men entrust their spouses and partners with responsibility for economically utilizing this shared prosperity and resources acquired through commitment to their labors and careers, for the benefit of others.

Optimally, these shared responsibilities through divisions of family and household roles, serves as the foundation for healthy committed relationships, marriages and healthy families, and the greater good of society at large. Unfortunately, in some situations, shared communication deficiencies, acute difference of experience, perspective and opinion, relational aggression and discord, may fester and ultimately lead to a man being separated from his partner, divorced from his spouse, separated from his children, while assigned continued responsibility for the welfare of all.

The reality of Men’s psychological and emotional experience is, indeed in the majority of cases, very unique to each individual. Men hold, experience, process, express and release emotional material in a manner that is healthy and uniquely masculine. Men also experience everyday traumas, and deal with the common emotion of grief in ways that may be invisible, undervalued and misunderstood. At times this may compound a man’s suffering and sense of isolation.

It remains common that men’s emotional pain is simply either culturally unrecognizable or culturally taboo, despite societal encouragement for men to ‘be more vulnerable’ just take a look at the representation of men, boys and especially fathers in entertainment, advertising, film, television and news programming. As men are ignored in their pain, it has become more acceptable to stigmatize, overgeneralize and collectively blame men, as a singular identified birth group, as solely responsible for perceived injustices in overall human history, and scapegoats for the ills of society.

Measuring Men: How Masculine are You?

My Journey into Counseling for Men

Unfortunately, it has become de rigueur to casually speak negatively with regard to men. Negative characterizations of men and masculinity, such as ‘toxic,’ ‘chauvinist,’ ‘privileged’ and ‘patriarchal’ are biased. Pathologizing outspoken, assertive, confident and materially successful men ~ particularly men whom many others rely upon for their successful performance of leadership roles ~ as ‘narcissistic’ has become common in the public square, and without fair consideration of men’s real experiences. Using such negative labeling without real rational basis of evidence, is clearly a form of bullying, shaming and othering. It also creates a potentially psychologically damaging environment for boys and young men.

In decades of counseling, learning to know and understand the experiences of many men, working successfully helping them encountering problems of living, I’ve noticed how the contemporary field of psychotherapy and counseling misunderstands men, where many of their issues are overlooked or unaddressed. In the worst of cases, the good intentions of many counseling professionals have at best, unintentionally perpetuated the emasculation of men, through utilization of clinical assessment frameworks for measuring masculine characteristics relative to others. Clinical assessment and evaluation utilizing the application of the CNMI (Conformity to Masculine Norms Inventory) and the MRNS (Male Role Norms Scale) objectify and diminish men into categorical degrees of masculinity according to biased, standardized criteria, subtly value-judging ranges of masculinity.

When I entered the psychotherapy profession, I brought the intention to practice as a generalist, carrying out my personal value of gratitude for all individuals, utilizing the gift of my life for the greater good and the betterment of society at large, resolving as a generalist-therapist to “help the world become a better place, one person at a time.”

Since graduate school, I have been interested in working to learn more about men’s issues and to learn better ways to provide counseling services that were proven to actually be helpful for men. Throughout the entirety of my psychotherapy career, I’ve found it frustrating there seemed to be a lack of adequate clinical training specific to addressing men’s issues. There were books, continuing education, even certifications for serving people representative of various vulnerable, protected populations and people experiencing marginalization. Yet few contemporary publications and professional clinical training courses are designed for the common, contemporary, ordinary male, that do not center the nature of men and the natural masculine as form of pathos.

Thankfully, earnestly searching further, I found The Palgrave Handbook of Male Psychology and Mental Health and Perspectives in Male Psychology: An Introduction, as two excellent, comprehensive and reliable sources of clinical reference material and resources for effective counseling on men’s psychological and relational issues.

As the years progressed, I found myself working in private practice with more male clients, not necessarily by choice, because typically, most help-seeking men would naturally look for a male therapist. My experiences in community mental health agencies, academia, and in private psychotherapy practice, have provided me with insights into the forms of psychological suffering and hardships that men face, in not being respected, heard or acknowledged in their emotional pain.

Advocating for Boys and Men

If you are interested in learning more about the psychology of boys and men, I highly recommend accessing the works of Michael Gurian and the Gurian Institute. Another excellent writer for learning about the ways of boys and men is Tom Golden. Tom’s publication, The Way Men Heal provides a concise, common sense explanation of men’s psychological development, understanding male grief, and how to maintain male mental health. Warren Farrell, the only man to be elected three times to the board of directors of the National Organization for Women, and the author of The Myth of Male Power, brings an important and informative perspective to the field of male psychology in his work, The Boy Crisis

Here are some more useful links for education and information on Men’s Issues and Male Mental Health:

Male Victims of Domestic Violence

Concerns regarding men’s issues are addressed in a recent proposal for a White House Council for Boys and Men and the Global Initiative for Boys and Men. Both proposals are good-faith efforts for bringing balanced perspectives and awareness of issues of boys and men that are relevant in our society.

However, here in California, there are no state supported programs favorably addressing all men’s issues

Counseling for Men

Men and Masculinity