Counseling for Men
Men and Masculinity
Counseling for Men is Different
Men are to be treated, as are all human beings, with love, dignity and respect. In some ways, the issues of men tend to be minimized, in a ‘pull yourself up by your bootstraps’ or ‘he deserved it’ mentality. An honest, respectful and authentic understanding of the issues encountered in the lives of men may seem controversial or counterintuitive for some people. Here are facts on the relative status of men in modern society:
Here is the 2024 California Report on the Status of Boys and Men, published by the Global Initiative for Boys and Men. Take a few moments to review it. Population statistics and research studies have repeatedly shown that men, on average, live shorter lives than others, due in part, due to higher rates of suicide and workplace deaths. Census records consistently report men as the majority of the homeless. Men, on average, comprise the majority of people put under restraining orders and incarcerated in jails and prisons. Bias against male defendants contributes to disparities in the American criminal justice system, including the administration of the death penalty.
Importance of Caring for Men
As fathers, husbands and heads of households, men naturally assume responsibility to prosper and produce plentiful incomes and bountiful economic resources and assets to bestow their families with basic needs, necessities and lifestyles of comfort and leisure. Appropriately so, men entrust their spouses and partners with responsibility for economically utilizing this shared prosperity and resources for the benefit of others, acquired through commitment to their labors and careers.
Optimally, and in most cases, these shared responsibilities through divisions of family and household roles, serves as the foundation for healthy committed relationships, marriages and healthy families, and the greater good of society at large. Unfortunately, in some situations, shared communication deficiencies, acute difference of experience, perspective and opinion, relational aggression and discord, may fester and ultimately lead to a man being separated from his partner, divorced from his spouse, separated from his children, while assigned continued responsibility for the welfare of all.
Yes, You Can Handle the Truth
The reality of Men’s psychological and emotional experience is, indeed in the majority of cases, very unique to each individual. Men hold, experience, process, express and release emotional material in a manner that is healthy and uniquely masculine. Men also experience everyday traumas, and deal with the common emotion of grief in ways that may be invisible, undervalued and misunderstood. At times this may compound a man’s suffering and sense of isolation.
It remains common that men’s emotional pain is simply either culturally unrecognizable or culturally taboo, despite societal encouragement for men to ‘be more vulnerable’ just take a look at the representation of men, boys and especially fathers in entertainment, advertising, film, television and news programming. As men are ignored in their pain, it has become more acceptable to stigmatize, overgeneralize and collectively blame men, as a singular identified birth group, as solely responsible for perceived injustices in overall human history, and scapegoats for the ills of society.
Measuring Men: How Masculine are You?
My Journey into Counseling for Men
It has become de rigueur to speak negatively about men. Negative characterizations of men and masculinity, such as ‘toxic,’ ‘chauvinism,’ ‘privilege’ and ‘patriarchy’ are commonplace. Pathologizing outspoken, assertive, confident and materially successful men ~ particularly men whom many others rely upon for their successful performance of leadership roles ~ as ‘narcissist’ is commonly done without fair consideration of men’s experience. Using such negative labeling without real rational basis of evidence, is clearly a form of bullying, shaming and othering.
From decades of counseling experiences getting to know many men, and working successfully with them with problems of living, I’ve noticed the contemporary field of psychotherapy and counseling misunderstands men in general, despite efforts. Views in these professions perpetuate the emasculation of men, through utilization of clinical assessment frameworks for measuring masculine characteristics relative to others. Clinical applications of the CNMI (Conformity to Masculine Norms Inventory) and the MRNS (Male Role Norms Scale) objectify and diminish men into categorical degrees of masculinity according to standardized criteria, subtly value judging ranges of masculinity.
When I entered the psychotherapy profession, I brought the intention to practice as a generalist, carrying out my personal value of gratitude for all individuals, utilizing the gift of my life for the greater good and the betterment of society at large, resolving as a generalist-therapist to “help the world become a better place, one person at a time.”
Since graduate school, I have been interested in working to learn more about men’s issues and to learn better ways to provide counseling services that were proven to actually be helpful for men. Throughout the entirety of my psychotherapy career, I’ve found it frustrating there seemed to be a lack of adequate clinical training specific to addressing men’s issues. There were books, continuing education, even certifications for serving various other vulnerable populations and marginalized persons, yet few contemporary publications and professional clinical training courses are designed for the common, ordinary male, that do not center the nature of men and the natural masculine as form of pathos. Thankfully, in searching further, I have found The Palgrave Handbook of Male Psychology and Mental Health and Perspectives in Male Psychology: An Introduction, as two excellent, comprehensive and reliable sources of clinical reference material and resources for effective counseling on men’s psychological and relational issues.
As the years progressed, I found myself working in private practice with more male clients, not necessarily by choice, because typically, most help-seeking men would naturally look for a male therapist. My experiences in community mental health agencies, academia, and in private psychotherapy practice, have provided me with insights into the hardships that grieving and traumatized men face, in not being respected, heard or acknowledged in their emotional pain.
Advocating for Boys and Men
Here are some more useful links for education and information on Men’s Issues and Male Mental Health:
- American Institute for Boys and Men
- Global Initiative for Boys and Men
- The Centre for Male Psychology
- Men, Boys, and Suicide
- Washington Initiative for Boys and Men
- Maryland Commission for Men’s Health
- Coalition to End Domestic Violence
